MRI update.
The Dr. was happy with the results.  She said it looked pretty good.  There are a couple of really small
tumors but nothing to worry about.  The one thing I was confused about is the report says a compression fracture at T1 likely pathologic.  She said it was healing and that it wasn't new but it
was the first time its been in any of the test results.  So how old is it?  It is right where I get sharp pains every once in a while.  She seemed very happy with the results so I choose to be too.
They did increase pain medications the visit last week which seems to be helping.  There are always issues with that too - sleepy, intestinal problems, not thinking clearly - but that's ok.  I can deal with these.
Something I'm reading - from In a Pit With a Lion on a Snowy Day:

Maybe that is why God sometimes invites us to defy impossible odds.  Maybe it is one way He can show us His omnipotence.  Maybe God allows the odds to be stacked against us so He can reveal more of His glory.

I can always hope this is the case.  Even if it isn't I trust Him in this circumstance and see ways that He has worked.

In my reading today I realized this very much fits my present circumstances.  I have been feeling unaccomplished in anything.

Reading this made me realize my feelings are not the truth. 

September 24, 2012

from:  Streams in the Desert

When they came to the border of Mysia, they tried to enter Bithynia, bu the Spirit of Jesus would not allow them to.  Acts 16:7

What a strange thing for the Lord to prohibit, for they were going into Bithynia to do Christ’s work!  And the door was shut before them by Christ’s own Spirit.

There have been times when I have experienced the same thing.  Sometimes I have been interrupted in what seemed to be quite productive work.  And at times, opposition came and forced me to go back, or sickness came and forced me to rest in some isolated place.

During such times, it was difficult for me to leave my work unfinished when I believed it was service done in the power of His Spirit.  But I finally remembered that the Spirit requires not only a service of work but also a service of waiting.  I came to see that in the kingdom of Christ, there are not only times for action but times to refrain from action.  And I also came to learn that a place of isolation is often the most useful place of all in this diverse world.  Its harvest is more rich than the seasons when the corn and wine were the most abundant.  So I have learned to thank the blessed Holy Spirit that many a beautiful Bithynia had to be left without a visit from me.

Dear Holy Spirit, my desire is still to be led by You.  Nevertheless, my opportunities for usefulness seem to be disappointed, for today the door appears open into a life of service for You but tomorrow it closes before me just as I am about to enter.  Teach me to see another door even in the midst of the inaction of this time.  Help me to find, even in the area of service where You have closed a door, a new entrance into Your service.  Inspire me with the knowledge that a person may sometimes be called to serve by doing nothing, by staying still, or by waiting.  And when I remember the power of Your “gentle whisper” (I Kings 19:12), I will not complain that sometimes the Spirit allows me not to go.  George Matheson 

When I cannot understand my Father’s leading,

and it seems to be but hard and cruel fate,

Still I hear that gentle whisper ever pleading,

God is working, God is faithful, ONLY WAIT.

Then to make sure I got the point, I read the following from “Jesus Calling”.

LIVE FIRST AND FOREMOST IN MY PRESENCE.

This is the path I have set before you.  As you follow it wholeheartedly, you experience abundant Life and Peace.

Sometimes this is a very difficult place to be. And to understand what is going on - why the silence and inactivity.  Then I remember the things

I’ve been learning from this experience and also the messages I’ve gotten out for people to hear:

o   Trust God above all else and work on your relationship with Him. 

o   Love your family and friends and let them know how special they are.

o   Take care of yourself, physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually.

o   Get your mammograms on time.  Don’t wait for the possibility of it spreading and becoming something more difficult to fight – or that you will have to live with the rest of your life.  Notice I did not say

“ladies” because MEN can get it too.

These are the most important to me right now.

Certainly, writing and sharing are not inactive.

Monday - Xgeva shot and blood work, slept almost all day because of shot

Tuesday - Had to go to the Dr. because of problems I've been having.  They are changing

                 my pain meds to see if that works and doing an MRI next week to see if anything

                 new could be the culprit. Tired does not begin to describe how I was feeling.

Wednesday - I guess the shot was making me feel bad.  Had a migraine?  Neck, back head felt like

                      they were going to explode.  Slept a lot again.

Thursday - Felt better during the day and I got my new medications -tried them at night.

                  Don't know if they're going to work, couldn't tell any difference.  Maybe it takes time.

Friday - felt better in the a.m. but around 3 started feeling like I'd been run over by a truck.  That

             is how the Dr. said the shot would make me feel for 2 weeks.

Saturday - Chuck decided he wanted to rearrange the family room.  For me that means dusting and

                 helping when possible.  It's not finished and more stuff got moved into my art room which

                 means more rearranging in there.  Last weekend he painted my art room or "studio" and

                 Jesse, Jason, and Chuck moved my stuff into my new space.

                 Looking forward to everything being back to normal.

                 I will take pictures when everything is done.

                 Feeling better today, yay.

I called one of my Dr.'s today because

I needed to make an appointment.  

The person I spoke to put me on hold 

then the phone rang..and rang and continued

to ring until I hung up and called back.

When she answered the phone I told her

what happened and she very rudely told

me that she'd redirected my call to the nurse

and the nurse didn't answer because she

was trying to look up my information.  She said she was 

walking back to the nurse to see when I needed

to make another appointment.  I know what I'm

saying doesn't sound rude but she really was and

I don't know why it really upset me.

I have noticed that I get upset more easily than 

I used to - don't know if it's cancer, drugs,

whatever.  I hung up and decided to stop feeling

angry and look at things I'm thankful for:

I only have to get bloodwork and an Xgeva shot

this next month.  I don't have any real Dr. appointments

till the end of October.  That's quite a break for me.

I usually have an appointment at least every other week.

So instead of getting upset with someone who was

probably PMS-ing.. I choose to be thankful I don't have

to see her till December and by that time I will have

forgotten the whole thing.

I have also decided to start working on my art daily.

At least an hour.  Today I worked on a t shirt that

I painted and needed some fixing.  I was thinking I was

going to quit painting t shirts but I decided if I paint them

they will be light in color.  Trying to paint on dark colored

shirts is extremely time consuming and doesn't work well.

I also want to put together some drawing and painting lessons

on my other blog, probably around the middle of September.

And I need to open an Etsy shop.  I've been saying that

forever so my goal is open a shop by September 7th.

We'll see how it goes because it does depend on 

how I'm feeling. 

Update time!
Had an electrocardiogram and stress test.
Test results show heart is pumping fine, is probably
just inflamed because of radiation and medications.
I was so relieved to hear that and I really thought that
radiation was the culprit.  Yay!  Relieved!

Dr office mix ups

I was told I would be getting a stress test yesterday at the Cardiologist.
My family Dr. told me this.
The Cardiologist office called me to schedule.  I missed the call so I called
back and the receptionist made an appointment for 11:15.
I went to the Cardiologist and found whoever made the appointment didn't
put it in the computer, I didn't have an appointment, but they took me anyway.
They did not do a stress test, just an EKG.  They scheduled me for an electrocardiogram
and a stress test (3 hours, yuck) for next week and gave me a prescription for nitroglycerin.
The only thing they say is my EKG is "different".
I think this is going to be a big waste of time because I think all my problems are caused from
the bone strengthener they have me on and radiation.  Let's hope its a waste of time anyway.

Sedona, one of my favorite places out west.

I had heard the sunsets were something you

had to see.  Unfortunately, I left my good 

camera in the room and only had an ipod.

I had Corey's little camera too but I don't have

the wire to plug into my computer

I got the results back from my bone scan.

No new cancer.  The tumors in my spine are

still active but he thinks the radiation may take a

while longer to take effect, so no radiation for now.

That makes me happy!

I wish I'd known more about constipation caused by pain medication

and how to avoid it.  I have a problem caused by it that the Dr. I saw 

this week says surgery may be needed to correct it.  I flat out said no.  She

said if it gets worse I'll need to see a surgeon.  I'm holding out on this one.

I don't want anymore surgery.  I know I may have to eventually but not now.

Some good things have happened this week that I can't really

discuss right now but I thank God for His faithfulness and taking

care of my daughters.  God is great!