Monday, August 22, 2011

When I read the August 16th devotion from the book "Streams in the Desert" that my sister-n-law gave me, I had to post it. It is where I am, struggling to wait because I've always been a do-er. It is hard to not be able to go and do everything you want because your body stops you. It was also extremely hard to not be able to go back to work especially when I found out they'd given me an AC bus. The first day of school was difficult because I wasn't able to see all of my little kids in their first day of school cute outfits and get hugs from the ones that missed me. Some of these kids this would have been my 6th year with. I've seen them go through kindergarten to 5th grade. So sad that I lost my route because of this. But, I have to look on the positive side of all this -- hopefully I will get something better when I'm able to go back to work, a good bus, not a bone shaker, AC, and great kids. That is what I'm praying!

While I wait, I need to paint, draw, get my art going again and start selling some. This is the gift God's given me it's time to use it!

This was the reading for August 16th from Streams In The Desert.

Waiting is much more difficult than walking, for waiting requires patience, and patience is a rare virtue. We enjoy knowing that God builds hedges around His people, when we look at the hedge from the aspect of protection. But when we see it growing higher and higher until we can no longer see over it, we wonder if we will ever get out of out little sphere of influence and service, where we feel trapped. Sometimes it is hard for us to understand why we do not have a larger area of service, and it becomes difficult for us to “brighten the corner” where we are. But God has a purpose in all of His delays. “The steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord” (Psalms 37:23).

Next to this verse, in the margin of his Bible, George Mueller made this note: “And the stops too.” It is a sad mistake for someone to break through God’s hedges. It is a vital principle of the Lord’s guidance for a Christian never to move from the spot where he is sure God has place him, until the “pillar of cloud” (Exodus 13:21) moves.

Once we learn to wait for the Lord’s leading in everything, we will know the strength that finds its highest point in an even and steady walk. Many of us are lacking the strength we so desire, but God gives complete power for every task He calls us to perform. Waiting—keeping yourself faithful to His leading---this is the secret of strength. And anything that does not align with obedience to Him is a waste of time and energy. Watch and wait for His leading.

Must life be considered a failure for someone compelled to stand still, forced into inaction and required to watch the great, roaring tides of life from shore? No—victory is then to be won by standing still and quietly waiting. Yet this is a thousand times harder to do than in the past, when you rushed headlong into the busyness of life. It requires much more courage to stand and wait and still not lose heart or lose hope, to submit to the will of God, to give up opportunities for work and leave honors to others, and to be quiet, confident, and rejoicing while the busy multitude goes happily along their way.

Sunday, August 21, 2011

It's been one of those weeks where I had a Dr.'s appointment everyday
except Friday. It wore me out. I've been very tired this weekend. I
thought a beach trip would make me feel rested. It calms me, slows me
down, makes me happy, but it didn't take away my exhaustion. I guess
I need to sleep for a week. This week I finished radiation which is an absolute yay!
I had an MRI to make sure there weren't any new tumors on my spine. After 3 1/2 weeks
of radiation he said the one I have looks exactly the same. He said it would
take time to see changes. I wonder how long? I had an appointment with the
Oncologist and she gave me my new prescription so I can grow a beard.
Just kidding, an estrogen blocker. Not sure how I feel about this.
She also told me I'm not supposed to be bending over.
Wish I'd known that sooner. I also found out I'm not supposed
to have my blood pressure taken, or blood withdrawn, or shots in the
arm I had lymph nodes removed from. Wish I'd known that sooner
too because all the above have been done from that arm.

I'm trying to eat the way the book- my regular Dr. told me to get
"Beating cancer with nutrition" - says to eat. It's hard to do, no
sugar, white flour, processed, chemical, as close to the way it
comes from nature - I do feel lighter - but sometimes I just
want chocolate or a burger. Sorry I don't like dark chocolate, never have.
I found out my vitamix isn't broken like I thought, just the wet blender jar.
The dry blender jar works and I tried it to make tomato soup and it
worked fine, yay! He recommends getting a vitamix in the book
and using it instead of a juicer. He said juicers get rid of the healthiest
part of the fruit or vegetable. He also said if you can't afford organic
produce soak it in 1 gallon of warm water mixed with 2 tablespoons vinegar.
That's supposed to remove the external chemicals.
This week should be interesting. I don't have to go to radiation.
It will feel strange not going every morning.

Monday, August 8, 2011

I didn't want to post about this 'till I told my manager what was going on since I don't know who reads it. I saw the Dr. Thursday afternoon and it was decided I need to wait 3 more months before going back to work. That gives me time to finish radiation and get a couple of the treatments for strengthening my bones before I start bouncing them around again.
I talked to my manager today and found out he'd gotten me an air conditioned bus, something I've been asking for for 4 years. I started crying. When you miss more than a couple of months you loose your route - which I've had for 5 years total. I love my kids but I know I can't drive them safely right now and that's more important than staying on the route. Plus, I really need some more time to heal. I also know a really sweet lady who wants my run and I know they'll be ok with her. Her two little boys are on the run so she'll have extra special reasons for being super safe. I will miss my kids though!