Today I started a new treatment, Xgeva.

It's supposed to be a bone strengthener replacing

Zometa. It is a shot instead of infusion and

was so much simpler. The actual shot didn't

hurt - just my arm, neck and side started to feel sore

but it went away. A little later I felt

this kind of tingly feeling up the left side of my

spine, not painful, just weird. Then I started feeling

a little better and now just sleepy. So far this

is so much better especially since I ended up

in the hospital when I had my one and only Zometa infusion.

I've been playing and making art journal pages

to fill up later.

I haven’t written on here in a while because I’ve been unsure what to say. I’ve also been a little bit down about my last Dr. visit. Chuck had planned on asking the Dr., “when can we say she’s cancer free”. But before he could ask she told us they hadn’t been treating all the cancer just the big stuff. That was quite a shocker. Ok God I know you have a plan but it gets confusing sometimes. Then she told me I needed to be on stronger pain medication. I’ve never been someone who takes medicine and have had strong feelings against it. So I guess I needed to learn something about this too. Because it seems to be helping it just has some side effects I’m not fond of.

I got really upset the day of the appointment but I’m much better now. Not having many Dr.’s appointments is helping me to feel better. I have one per month for the next 3 months. I will have an additional one per month when they start me on the new bone strengthener.

That’s another story…

A lady from the oncologist’s office called me before my appointment and told me my cost for the medication would be $366.54 every 28 days on my insurance. I told her I wasn’t on mine any more but on my husbands. She said she would check and call me back. I knew it would be even more on his and was quite upset. When shc called back she said it would be a little over $2000.00 on his. She said there was some kind of program that I would be eligible for through the drug company if I wasn’t on medicare or medicade. Thankfully I’m not. She said they give you a savings card so the first treatment is free and all the rest are $25.00. She said it would be a huge blessing for me. I told her yes it would and thank you for doing the research for me. I was so relieved but upset with myself for not trusting God to take care of it for me. He not only took care of it but in the same day so I’d stop stressing about it.

If I understand correctly, the bone strengthener can help fight the rest of the cancer by making my bones stronger and more able to fight. So that’s what I’m praying.

Excerpts from Streams in the Desert January 10:

It is interesting to study the way God extended His guidance to the early messengers of the Cross.  It consisted mainly in prohibiting their movement when they attempted to take a course other than the right one.  When they wanted to turn to the left, toward Asia, He stopped them.  When they sought to turn to the right, toward Bithynia in Asia Minor, He stopped them again.  In his later years, Paul would do some of his greatest work in that very region, yet now the Holy Spirit closed the door before him. 

Beloved, whenever you are in doubt as to which way to turn, submit your judgment absolutely to the Spirit of God, asking Him to shut every door but the right one.  Say to Him, “Blessed Spirit, I give to You the entire responsibility of closing every road and stopping every step that is not of God.  Let me hear Your voice behind me whenever I ‘turn aside to the right or to the left’ (Deut. 5:32)

In the meantime, continue along the path you have already been traveling.  Persist in your calling until you are clearly told to do something else.  O traveler, the Spirit of Jesus is waiting to be to you what He was to Paul.  Just be careful to obey even His smallest nudging or warning.  Then after you have prayed the prayer of faith and there are no apparent hindrances, go forward with a confident heart.  Do not be surprised if your answer comes in doors closing before you. 

(mine)  But in those closed doors the path of God opens before you.  His will in His time and His promises, these are what we must cling to.  We have to let go of our preconceived ideas of what we think we should be doing and when.  We need to live each moment as it comes and cherish our time with family and friends.  That is what I’m trying to remember and live.

Hopefully you won’t have to go through cancer to get to this point in your life.

Friday was my last day of radiation.  When they took me to ring the bell I was very unsure about doing so
since I rang it before and ended up having to have more radiation.  I rang it anyway.  Let's hope I'm truly done with it.  I don't know how much more my body can take.  The first time I went through it and rang the bell I went and sat in my car and cried.  I really don't know why.  This time I just wanted to celebrate!

Yesterday was the first day I've eaten almost normal and this morning I'm up early regretting it.  I've just been so hungry but I'm going to have to be careful.  I don't want to be experiencing this again.
I'm so happy I don't have any Dr. appointments this week and only one the week after.

I hope this New Year brings a lot of positive changes for everyone!

some yays!

I got my port out Tuesday.  I didn't realize how stressed I was about having it done.
They told me they weren't going to completely knock me out this time but I wouldn't
know what was happening.  When they took me into the operating room I asked them,
"You said I wouldn't know what was happening right?"  the nurse responded,
"Right, you won't feel a thing."  They tied down both of my hands so I wouldn't "help"
the Dr. and my legs.  They put something blue over my face and then I felt the Dr. give
me a shot next to the port to numb the area.  I heard her say "blade" and then felt her push
on it and I could feel it going across my skin.  I will say nothing hurt except the initial shot and
when  it felt like she was stitching it up but she used glue so I don't know why it felt like
she was stitching it, weird.  I felt fine after except very sore.  When I tried to eat later in the evening
I couldn't keep anything down.  I haven't been able to eat much in the past week and I've lost
about 6 lbs. but I am starting to feel better from the surgery and tomorrow is my last day
of radiation, yay! yay! and yay! again!!!!  I hope this is my last time of radiation forever.  
I have been radiated a total of 59 times.  I should have a long shelf life now.

I do want to say the nurse I had when I went in, her name was Cheryl, was awesome.
She was extremely sweet and tried to help me however needed and keep me as pain free
as possible.  She was just a very kind, Christian lady.

The radiologist said it would be 2-3 weeks before I would be able to eat without pain after
my last treatment.  He also said it would be up to 9 weeks or so for the areas he radiated to start feeling better.
I am going to enjoy not going to the Dr. 5 days a week very much!

I had to put this on here today because it is so fitting for my situation.
From Jesus Calling 12/21/11


My plan for your life is unfolding before you.  Sometimes the road you are traveling seems blocked, or it opens up so painfully slowly that you must hold yourself back.  Then, when time is right, the way before you suddenly clears--through no effort of own.  What you have longed for and worked for I present to you freely, as pure gift.  You feel awed by the ease with which I operate in the world, and you glimpse My Power and My Glory.  
Do not fear your weakness, for it is the stage on which My Power and Glory perform most brilliantly.  As you persevere along the path I have prepared for you, depending on My strength to sustain you, expect to see miracles--and you will.  Miracles are not always visible to the naked eye, but those who live by faith can see them clearly.  Living by faith, rather than sight, enables you to see My Glory.

Radiation will last for 15 days.  I'm looking forward to it being over - it's really making me sick this time.  The last week of radiation I will have surgery to remove the port.
I am really looking forward to having it gone.  It has hurt ever since they put it in and hasn't really been usable.  Every time it was used they would send me to the hospital for a leak or blood clot test because
Chuck said I would turn instantly white and look and feel like I was going to pass out.  It would cause a burning pain in my chest that felt like it was going into my back.  I will be happy to say goodbye port!

Good news, Jesse's been visiting the last couple of days.  It's nice when they're both home.  They both help me out so much.  It's nice to not have to worry about stuff.